If you are like me, you want to make sure those around you are happy. As adults with ADHD we try to keep peaceful relationships in our lives and often help other people. Hey, we care about them right. The problem of us is that if we always feel the need to overextend ourselves and it can come to the expense of your own happiness. For me personally, I found out that the more energy I extended to others created a lot of negativity in my life. I literally got sick from people pleasing! My lack of sleep, focusing on other priorities and attempting to balance them with my own, was stressful and no longer serving those around me. In a nutshell some would say a people pleaser is a doormat, someone who says yes when they really mean no, or doesn’t have the courage to speak their mind. Here’s a slew of strategies to help you stop being a people-pleaser and finally say no.
Stop. Take a minute to think about the all the different times you have said yes to something or someone when you really wanted to say no. Did you really have a good time? Were you all stressed out about getting it all done? Did you have some resentment or frustration towards the person or situation you were in, after the fact? When you look back and see the times that you are compelled to reach out, we develop an awareness of our triggers; particular people, types of events, or situations that pull at your ability to want to please others.
Need Time To Think About It – If a friend or family asks you for a favor, it is perfectly normal to say that you need to think about it, or you need to check your schedule. This will give you the chance to think about whether you can commit to helping. You can ask yourself the following questions; “How stressful is this going to be? Do I have the time to do this? What am I giving up? Do I really want to do this, or is it out of fear or pressure that I am thinking about saying yes?
Be Fair To All Involved: To both yourself and the other person. Ask yourself, will I really be giving them everything I’ve got if I chose to do this? Am I being fair to myself and others in my life if I say yes? If the answer is no, then it’s time to make a change.
Fear Of Not Helping- Many people with ADHD may have the fear that if you don’t help them, they won’t like you anymore. Forget about this. If others get mad because you say no occasionally, they are not people you should be surrounding yourself with anyways. The people love and care about you will understand that you can’t help with everything or even attempt to.
To Much To Handle- When a friend/family member asks you to help them with something and it is more than you can do, know your limits and value your tine. People enjoy helping and look up to people who can admit that they can’t do it all. It means you’re human!
Put You First- You can’t do and be everything for everyone. This is because the most important relationship you have is with yourself. You can do this by making sure that you are putting your need first because when you are happy it brings more happiness to others. It also helps your self-respect and self-esteem soar.